White Food

It has come to my attention, being a student at a major public university in America that adores it some white food, that this so-called "food" really does suck.

I know the reaction from our white readers: "Wait just one Anglo Saxon minute! He just went after our cookin'!"

Don't worry, us Desis are willing to go after your food, your women, your driving style (who are the COPS to tell ME I can't drive on the left side of the road?), your "romance" films (more like I-can't-admit-to-wanting-pornography-right-now-so-I'll-just-settle-for-this), your public officials (yes the Desi world has idiot politicians but at least ours don't drop a MOAB on someone's house as a snafu) , and every other element of your utterly inferior and outdated lifestyle.

It's all part of the Grand Desi Conspiracy's plan Creating Understandable Reverse Racism Year-round (CURRY).

My friends, CURRY is the solution to despicable, tasteless, and bland white peoples' food. CURRY is the only thing that can spice up this horrible debacle. With our Reverse Racism we will force the white culture to either Desi-ize or face utter elimination.

Let us begin.

Observe, an item of white peoples' food:

STEAMED BROCCOLI

This stuff is the ire of every primary school kid's dinner. The white mom will say something like this, "Eat your vegetables, Jimmy, so that you can grow up big and strong and ready to drive your SUV over some indigenous person's tribal burial grounds while listening to Rush Limbaugh and fantasizing about a life-sized inflatable Brittany Spears blow-up doll laying in the backseat."

Let me tell you something, white moms (those of you who still "cook"; feminism is a future target of CURRY): you want your kids to "eat their vegetables" -- try actually cooking it the right way:

THIS is how you cook yourself some vegetables. Slap some curry on it; some cayenne, some good old-fashioned SPICES. That's how you get your kids to eat some good food: make it TASTE GOOD.

Speaking of spices, no wonder the Europeans killed tens of millions of damn people trying to get ahold of the spice trade. Heck, I'D DO THE SAME THING if my food sucked so much.

So, all white women of the world -- now is the time to redeem yourselves. Those of you who still believe in cooking for your (preferably brown) man need to get yourself a copy of the closest Desi cookbook and do everything you can to cast away spiceless, bland, awful, dry Western food and replace it with something, you know, edible.

So all of you suffering under the slave masters of white peoples' food, UNITE. The only thing you have to lose is dishes like "liver and onions." Ugh. I need some samosas just to clean the taste of that phrase out of my mouth.